Being Judge-mental - Our Society's favorite hobby!

I don't judge a person by their looks, complexion, appearance, clothes, education or job status. I don't. There is no point to do so. The reason is "experience". 

I consider myself a good-looking woman despite being over-weight. But I can be at my worst mood of the day and might not be very good to some person I meet. I will be judged as arrogant and proud. Little will that person know or understand as to what I have been going through the day. That person Mr A or Mrs B will blow the horn to almost every person she meets and they all shall have a wrong impression about my character even if they have not met me. And when they meet me, they already have a notion about me in their heads. This is a social process. 

I might have had the best set of clothes in my wardrobe but for some reason, I might not have dressed up well for some appearance. I will be judged as poorly dressed or simply "not-fashionable". 

Have we ever put our feet in that person's shoes and walked a mile to understand what circumstances that person is in or has been going through? The answer if shall be a NO, then how dare we judge that person and come to a conclusion about his character or behaviour?

I am severely ridiculed for being over-weight. I am body-shamed by my own people. Every person whom I meet thinks that I am not health conscious or I over-eat greedily. But only I know about the battle I have been fighting with myself. I cannot plead with everyone every time to not judge me for being over-weight. I understand the issues of being obese and I am trying hard to shed those extra kilos. 

We all are part of a fickle-minded society. We cannot let go of this fact. We all love to gossip and back-biting. I think the real courage lies in speaking the truth in front of that person rather than bitching about him/her behind his/her back. I myself don't inculcate into gossip. I hate to gossip and hate the people who do so. I consider it very inhuman. I personally appreciate those who speak the truth into our eyes. The truth is hard to take in but it is the safest way out. 

None of us is perfect. We all know this fact. And mind you, we cannot judge some person for his deeds as well.

I have been fighting my own battles almost every day.  I did not mingle much with the people around me. I was ridiculed for being an introvert and anti-social so badly that I slowly lost confidence in myself and became an introvert which was definitely not my actual being. I was given lectures to change my attitude otherwise I would die alone. So bad has been my experience in life. I had lost hope and was struggling to survive. 

I don't remember anyone coming up to me and offering help. I was being judged for my behaviour. And that's when I realized that the world will only sympathize with you and you must learn to win your war.

And thus, the battle of depression and being ridiculed is still on.  I found a lot of inner peace after I stopped judging people for no reason. This habit enlightens you with other important things in your life. And yes, tu judgmental hai kya?

#Spreadsomelovetoday.

I came in all sizes!

Being ridiculed for your weight is a very common thing in our society. Whether you are lean or fat, people will question your eating habits and lifestyle. I have always been that "big" girl through-out my life, at least for 29 years now.
I am at my heaviest now. And I did not gain this weight overnight just like Rome wasn't built overnight. I suffered a miscarriage in September 2015. I went into depression owing to unemployment and other insecurities. I began stress-eating. The only thing which gave me a sense of satisfaction and calm was food. JUNK FOOD. I also had hyperthyroidism. I did not realize that I was ruining my body completely. I felt petty and low. I was surrounded by so many negative people (I still do, I have learnt to ignore their existence now). 
I was being ridiculed for my weight gain and all those stretch marks which had come over. Instead of giving me a solution, I was being made fun off. I was being called as ill. My pregnancy came as a surprise for many as according to them, obese women cannot get pregnant. (God help them). 
I was not happy even then. Because of my weight, my pregnancy came with a lot of complications. It required care and attention. Long story short, I have learnt my lessons through my first pregnancy and ought not to repeat them in future. 
After my daughter was born, I was adviced by many that I should take care of my health now and try to reduce all that weight I have gained. As a full-time mother, wife and daughter-in-law, I have a lot of responsibilities like many women out there. My daughter wakes up with me and sleeps when I do. I cannot afford to hit a gym because of my routine. Sometimes I cry my heart out when I try to fit in those skinny jeans and clothes which I once owned. 

Despite all this, I have learnt not to hate myself. Unless I love myself dearly, how can I expect love from others? Self-love and self-confidence have always been my best friends. I have learnt to love my body and to worship it. When I realized that you become what you eat, I quit all those junk food cravings. But change comes slowly. Your child learns from what they see of you and  I cannot let my daughter become what I became even if it was for some time.
I have always walked with my head held high. I have realized that my body is my strength and that I should worship it instead of ridiculing it. There are plenty of nerd asses out there to do so. My plus size has not changed my heart or soul. It has been the same ever since I was born. I can have a pure heart even in the size that I am (although I cannot wear those fashionable outfits which you wear and that makes me envious) (Human Nature babe). My clothes shall never define my character and also Beauty lies in the Eyes of the Beholder!

#Selflove.

The Social Stigma.

I have mentioned in my previous blogs that I write out of passion. I might not be the best in this field but I know that I am better than a few out there.
After one of my previous blogs was published, I was contacted by many friends and acquaintances who appreciated my writing and guts. Most of them had gone through or were going through the same pain that I went through. The only difference was that they could not voice their opinion. I was thrashed left, right and centre for pointing out a few facts out of my life. I was also told to stop writing as "people" might have a wrong impression about me and my family background. 
I was amazed. We still live in a society which is so reluctant to broaden their thoughts. 

There are some people who do not want to change their attitude but they also do not want "people" to know what they actually are like. I am necessarily not talking about anyone from my family per se. I am putting out this point on a general note. We all are looking for girls with a good educational background whom we cannot permit to work. We require them as maids from outside need to be paid. (Hit the like button if you got my point here).
We really need to change our outlooks otherwise marriages will no longer look like they were made in heaven. The stigma of differencing between males and females whether it is for our sons or daughters needs to be completely eradicated. Why can't we voice our opinions like your daughters do? Our we not somebody's daughters too? 
Times have changed, but we are still those fickle-minded lot of people who do not have our own views and opinions. We still judge people according to their looks, dressing and status symbol.
Simplicity is no longer the best form of sophistication.
Sad, yet true!   

A daughter's mother!

Every day is a new day giving me an opportunity to learn, unlearn and relearn. Every day comes up with a new flaw that I realize I have. I am insecure. I do envy other women leading a lavish life with all what they need. Their men buy expensive gifts for them occasionally. 

I don't need someone else to pamper me. i have never even thought of it. I love to pamper myself. And look! I weigh more than 100 Kilos! I wish I realized it soon that I was pampering myself the wrong way!

The day I started earning, I realized I did not need someone else to buy me things. I can buy my own diamonds, only if my astrologer gave me permission to wear diamonds! I gift myself things I want on my birthday every year. I have been doing this for the past 5 years now. I give myself a Valentine's Day gift, A Diwali gift, and a New Year's gift. I also gift myself on our wedding anniversary! My husband is happy about this that I don't trouble him.  I place the order online and then try and forget about it. When it arrives, I am on cloud 9!

Disappointment comes from expectations!

I want to teach the same thing to my daughter. My husband is not that kind of a person who would shower his wife with gifts and roses and heart-shaped balloons. I assume he is too lazy or probably I am not the woman of his dreams! Perhaps. (But I love him for the man he is). I've had PCOD issues, I suffer from Hypothyroidism. I have been in depression and I've had anxiety attacks. Despite all this, I wait for the doorbell to ring and act surprised when that gift arrives. I am daughter's mother. I need to be strong in order to teach my daughter what strength is.

These little gestures by me, give me hope. These acts give me an assertion that life is not a bed of thorns always. It is a journey which does not end with success. It keeps moving forward. 

I have learned to love myself. How can I expect a person to love me if I don't give that love to myself first? True it is. There still are those days when I feel ugly and down. A few people in our lives make us feel so. I start hating myself and feel unworthy. It is very difficult to come back to a normal routine. 

On such days, I cut myself from the rest of the world. I seriously try. But again, certain responsibilities come over and make you realize that you can't give up so easily.  There is worst outside and what you are facing is only a dewdrop in an ocean.

So, be thankful dear friend cause you are a percentage more happy than many out there!

The Single Mom's Saga......

A few things first.

This is my blog, something which I have started because I love to write. If I write something, it's not because I want to prove someone wrong and show myself as right, it is only because there are many out there who cannot express their thoughts due to various reasons. I write because I know I may be representing many women out there who go through the same experiences which I am going through.

It is definitely a personal blog and everything is non-fiction and nothing is made up for the sake of it. If you can read and feel it, cool, if not please do not cook up stories to those who do not understand my writing or cannot understand English.

 

Now, starting off from where I left things yesterday. I went through something called Postpartum Depression. It is not a disease and it is also not permanent. It is fluctuation of one's mood due to the overwhelming experience of becoming a mother. 

I have seen people not understanding the concept of depression. They sideline it by saying that it is only the state of mind. Yes, exactly, it is a state of mind indeed. I was juggling with a lot of things myself. My weight gain, unemployment, insecurities because of going through a C-section and not a normal delivery(which was considered a crime for many women who have had only normal deliveries). I had a thousand thoughts exploding in my mind every minute. I needed my husband the most at that time. I was 1600 KMS away from him and longed for his hug and his usual way of saying that I was a strong woman and that this phase shall pass. 

I was going through sleepless nights, restricted diet and I was looking like i was aging every second. This was not my illness, it was only a phase and I came out of it strong and beautiful. There is a lot of negativity around you. Yes, and they are in your own home, the people who spread negativity. I had to stop complaining of them and had to shield myself so that I could set an example for my daughter.

To be contd.

A Single Mom and her Saga!

Well,  I know I am almost 15 and a half months late in writing this but I guess I had to go through all that in order to be able to write this!
My daughter was a premature baby and I was most definitely not expecting her to come out so soon. But she did and was almost a month and a half early. She was so little and fragile that she hardly cried as she did not have the energy to scream her lungs out like other babies.
My husband was not supposed to see her for 27 days because of some superstitious reason and poor fellow! Must have had a hard time!
I spent sleepless nights looking after my baby for weeks. Even after the father-daughter union, I used to be on my toes in order to get everything done for that little princess who was born out of me. Changing her diaper, feeding her my bosom and making sure she was comfortable. My mother in law says that if I stay along with her at my husband's native place, perhaps i can take better care of my daughter, but I believe, every mom is actually a single mom at the end of the day. Whether the baby cries, wants to eat or has done a lump sum of a potty, it is the mother who is called for. This single mom has to be a mom even to her baby husband at times.
My daughter has finally stood on her feet and has learnt to walk(all by herself, mind you!), yet she comes running towards her MOM for anything she needs. The entire family falls asleep but this poor me stays awake until this baby falls asleep.
And by the way, I did not have to stay with the baby's grandparents for her to learn all that she has learnt. Ugh!

My point is that the baby is given so much importance. What she needs, what she does not. Is she comfortable or does she need change of diaper, and so on and so forth. A new mother needs care and compassion. She is not in need of your sympathy but a little concern can give her that strength to go through the pain she has been through. She has brought new life into this world and her body has been undergoing a lot of changes so why don't we give a little attention to her needs as well!

A woman can make a difference for another woman, so why can't husband's mothers take this initiative. A little care and attention can prevent something called a Postpartum Depression of whose victim I have been and I have no shame in accepting it.

To be contd....