A daughter's mother!

Every day is a new day giving me an opportunity to learn, unlearn and relearn. Every day comes up with a new flaw that I realize I have. I am insecure. I do envy other women leading a lavish life with all what they need. Their men buy expensive gifts for them occasionally. 

I don't need someone else to pamper me. i have never even thought of it. I love to pamper myself. And look! I weigh more than 100 Kilos! I wish I realized it soon that I was pampering myself the wrong way!

The day I started earning, I realized I did not need someone else to buy me things. I can buy my own diamonds, only if my astrologer gave me permission to wear diamonds! I gift myself things I want on my birthday every year. I have been doing this for the past 5 years now. I give myself a Valentine's Day gift, A Diwali gift, and a New Year's gift. I also gift myself on our wedding anniversary! My husband is happy about this that I don't trouble him.  I place the order online and then try and forget about it. When it arrives, I am on cloud 9!

Disappointment comes from expectations!

I want to teach the same thing to my daughter. My husband is not that kind of a person who would shower his wife with gifts and roses and heart-shaped balloons. I assume he is too lazy or probably I am not the woman of his dreams! Perhaps. (But I love him for the man he is). I've had PCOD issues, I suffer from Hypothyroidism. I have been in depression and I've had anxiety attacks. Despite all this, I wait for the doorbell to ring and act surprised when that gift arrives. I am daughter's mother. I need to be strong in order to teach my daughter what strength is.

These little gestures by me, give me hope. These acts give me an assertion that life is not a bed of thorns always. It is a journey which does not end with success. It keeps moving forward. 

I have learned to love myself. How can I expect a person to love me if I don't give that love to myself first? True it is. There still are those days when I feel ugly and down. A few people in our lives make us feel so. I start hating myself and feel unworthy. It is very difficult to come back to a normal routine. 

On such days, I cut myself from the rest of the world. I seriously try. But again, certain responsibilities come over and make you realize that you can't give up so easily.  There is worst outside and what you are facing is only a dewdrop in an ocean.

So, be thankful dear friend cause you are a percentage more happy than many out there!